inthefade:

mikemonteiro:

You may think because this made me cry a little that I’m way too emotional or not in control of my emotions at all and maybe you’d be partially right. But there’s a valid reason, I think.

I have this fear that will never go away. I have a fear that everything good will eventually turn bad. I have a fear that everything I love will eventually be taken away from me or, to be more precise, that anyone I love will eventually pull away from me.

I used to be afraid of flying. I’m not anymore. I fly often, now (often in relation to the fact that I used to fly not at all). The worst part of flying for me is the ascent. I am completely panic stricken until the plane gets to that part where I feel like it’s finally flying straight ahead and we can now turn on our electronic devices. 

The ascent is only made bearable because Todd holds my hand the entire time. He holds my hand and I squeeze the life out of his and I don’t let go until we are in my comfort zone. When we finally get there we look at each other and smile and he lets go of my hand so he can get the circulation back in his and he kisses me before he tries to fall asleep and I bury myself in a book.

I love the ascent as much as I hate it. I love that his hand in mine makes me feel safe, as if holding on to him will make the plane do the right thing. You know, not crash. I love that he knows I need him to do this and as soon as the plane lifts off he reaches for my hand and braces himself for my death grip.

I never want to get to a point where we don’t hold hands on ascent anymore.

I guess this made me cry a little because to me, these words mark the end of a lot of things; mostly the safety and comfort that comes with love.